Teddy Roosevelt: Mustachioed Manchild?
Yes.
Theodore Roosevelt is among our most celebrated presidents. He’s certainly holds a special place in my daughter’s heart since he falls smack dab in the center of her Venn Diagram of Important Presidential Qualifications: he had “a handsome mustache” and a pet owl. (Hoover also had a pet owl, but he lacked the requisite facial hair and apparently wasn’t handsome.) She’s so into Teddy that she requests frozen peanut butter pies in his likeness for her birthdays. Here’s the recipe, if you’re interested. With a coupla Oreos and some chocolate syrup, you can make your own! But I digress…
Inspired by Troy Senik’s A Man of Iron: The Turbulent Life and Improbable Presidency of Grover Cleveland.
While I agree that Theodore is one of the most fascinating presidents, he’s also a mustachioed manchild.
I’ve read three books about him, so I’m basically an expert.* Here are my proof points:
He threw some pretty epic temper tantrums.
Including punching a hole in a mattress and smashing a pumpkin on someone’s head during an argument. Also he once beat up a guy for making fun of his coat.
I mean, even his pals knew he was a child!
Friend and biographer William Roscoe Thayer said of Teddy “if he could not rule he would ruin.”**
His friend Cecil Spring Rice cautioned that people should “always remember that the president is about six.”
He was a tad violent.
According to Taft, “the truth is, he believes in war and wishes to be a Napoleon and die on the battlefield. He is the spirit of the old Berserkers.” Roosevelt wanted to fight in World War I, but Wilson wasn’t having it. Teddy was grateful to have four sons who could fight instead. (Three were injured and one died.)
Didn’t want anyone to play with his toys.
Super insecure about his relationship with Alice, who would become his first wife, he ordered a couple of dueling pistols… lest someone else should to run away with her.
He was perhaps irrational.
It was known that he’d “tread on his own balls just as quick as he would on his neighbor’s.”
Wasn’t happy with animals going extinct if he didn’t have the chance to play with them, I mean kill them, first.
Adored being the center of attention.
According to his daughter Alice, he was always “the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.”
Frequently called people names and hurled insults.
Also a bit of a racist.
When he didn’t get his way, he took his ball and went home.
By “when he didn’t his get his way” I mean “when his handpicked successor to the presidency, Taft, turned out not to be a malleable puppet.” And by “took his ball and went home,” I mean “he destroyed his party’s chance at the presidency and put a Democrat in the White House.” He created a third party — the Bull Moose Party. Ain’t no party like a Bull Moose Party cause a Bull Moose Party don’t stop, amirite?
Actually, it did stop.
The 1912 election pitted the current president (Taft) against the former president (Roosevelt) and Wilson (the future president). And also Eugene Debs, but that’s a whole other story. Basically, in an effort to oust Taft, who he no longer liked, Roosevelt catapulted someone from a different party into the White House.
He had a mustache.
I’m toying with the idea of a companion blog highlighting the things I like or admire about The Mustachioed Manchild. And maybe someday I’ll write it. (Maybe I’ll tie it into a visit to Sagamore Hill…?) In the meantime, if you want to know more about him, check out the History Vs. podcast series with Erin McCarthy. Even if you don’t want to know more about Teddy, give it a listen anyhow. You won’t be disappointed.
Check out my little shop if you agree Theodore was a mustachioed manchild.
*I’m not at all.
** That has a familiar ring to it, no?
PS I made some of this into a little short, if you wanna take a peek:
PPS Thanks to Anita for inspiring this post.
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